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Title: Vituperate
Fandom: Jeeves & Wooster
Rating: Gen
Length: 200
Summary: Sometimes Bertie does know the word he wants. Quote is from Edgar Allan Poe's "Never Bet the Devil Your Head."


“…of course, I had no wish to vituperate my new friend, a kindly word to make him aware of what his Bouvier des Flandres was doing to my trouser leg would no doubt suffice…”

Jeeves halted. I looked about the street in search of the origin of his reaction, but to no avail.

“What ho, Jeeves?”

“Vituperate, sir.”

“It means to give someone a tongue lashing of the ripest order, something like what Aunt Agatha gave me when I refused to enter into the sacrament of marriage with that beazel of the melon-sized adenoids and seventeen cats.”

“Yes, that is precisely what it means.”

“You needn’t look like that, Jeeves. Sometimes I do know the word I want.”

“Of course, sir. I apologise for my surprise.”

“Apology unnecessary. I only know it because I’ve a distant relation who named his dog Toby Dammit.”

“Sir?”
“Poe. ’It is not my design, therefore, to vituperate my deceased friend, Toby Dammit. He was a sad dog, it is true, and a dog's death it was that he died; but he himself was not to blame for his vices.’ Were we all able to say the same, Jeeves.”

“Indeed, sir. Now about the trousers…”

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