vocab_drabbles | #177 Scintilla/#191 Incongruous - Who's Your Daddy?

Title: Who’s Your Daddy?
Fandom: Miami Vice
Author: Cat Moon
Words: 575
Characters: Rico, Sonny, Team
Rating: PG
Summary: Rico’s very bad day. Like really.
Note: Inspired by something I saw. I can just imagine the ribbing that poor man is going to be subjected to for the foreseeable future. What have I done to you, my beloved?! 😉 Also, do not consume beverages while reading. You have been warned.

“And your husband wants to be a girl.”
--Cheers theme

It was one of those days. I mean, really. Not so much in the we-almost-got-killed-with-machine-guns again way, but Ricardo Tubbs was currently having trouble remembering why that was worse.

Specifically, because he knew he wasn't going to live this one down.

Ever.

In fact, he might have to leave Miami. He'd heard Cleveland was nice this time of year.

It all started with a vat of acid (and there's a line that should never ever be uttered, much less not being the first time), and a shootout with the dealers they were trying to bust. While Sonny was holding down their position, Rico had to hastily rip off his $500 Armani suit before the corrosive chemical ate through to his skin.

With Sonny screaming at him to rip off his clothes and thank god no one on the team had heard that!

Now he was in 'borrowed' clothing from a clothesline that was stretched out from the window of an abandoned building out back. Tragically, the pickings had been slim. Rico admitted to a bit of vanity, but it wasn't only the incongruity of his current ensemble with his preferred style that was mortifying.

The sweatpants weren't the issue, even though they were a bit snug. The top, however… When Sonny saw the blue long-sleeved shirt with the words' Under Construction' on it and an arrow pointing down to Rico's belly, he'd immediately doubled over in uncontrollable laughter.

Thankfully, the bad guys where subdued by then, because his partner had nearly dropped his gun.

Now the rest of the team had burst in and were helping to mop up. Well, pretending to. Gina and Trudy, sweet things they were, were trying valiantly to stifle their laughter, hiding snickers behind their hands.

Stan, clearly not possessing even a scintilla of compassion, was the first to speak up after the stunned silence. "So, who's the daddy, Rico?" he quipped, having the nerve to pointedly look at Sonny.

Sonny straightened up from where he was still bent over to hold up both his hands, palms out. "Hey, don't get me involved in this, pal!"

Rico covered his face and tried to pinch himself, hoping, by some miracle, that he was dreaming and would wake up.

No such luck.

"Hey, Rico." Trudy, sweet, lovely Trudy had a smirk on her face! He was going to have to revise his opinion of her. "Have you ever heard of mpreg fanfic?”

No, and Rico did not want to know. In desperation, he glanced over at the always predictably and comfortingly austere Castillo.

Martin smiled. The bastard had actually cracked a grin!

"That's it!" Rico announced, thoroughly fed up. He stepped closer to Sonny and grabbed his sleeve. "If you were a good partner, you'd kidnap me."

Sonny shrugged. "Where you wanna go?" he asked, because he was a good partner. The best.

"I hear there's a place in Boston where no one knows my name."

And they served booze.

Sonny opened his mouth, then closed it again. If he was intending to point out that, actually, the saying was everybody knows your name, he rallied his little-used self-preservation instincts and kept his mouth shut.

"Good partner," Rico muttered, patting Sonny on his blond head as he dragged him out of the building and into the car that would take them anywhere but there.

"Please tell me you're going to change first, Rico," was Sonny's only comment as he floored the gas.