vocab_drabbles | [Challenge #54: Caveat] Friends: 'The Paranormal Clause'

Title: 'The Paranormal Clause'
Fandom: Friends
Author:

but_can_i_be_trusted
Rating: G
Word Count: 459
Characters/Pairings: Phoebe Buffay, Joey Tribbiani
Warnings: None
Notes: Crossposted to

whatif_au
Summary: "What're you doing?"

"Congratulations, Mister Tribbiani," Phoebe grinned, sliding the paperwork across her desk. "You are now the owner of a beautiful new house!"

Eagerly, he scrawled his name. "Thank you, Miss Buffay! And I hope you don't mind being the first person I invite to the housewarming party."

She folded her hands on her desk blotter. "That's very flattering. Contact me when you're ready, and I'll keep my schedule open accordingly." Then, she frowned, watching as Joey thumbed through the papers. "What're you doing?"

"Oh, nothin'." He continued to flip through. "Just want to see what I've gotten myself into."

"You're...reading the fine print? Mister Tribbiani, that's unnecessary," Phoebe reassured, doing her best not to let her discomfiture show. Reading the fine print was practically unthinkable; nobody ever bothered to read it. "Between our meetings, and the house showings, any caveats should have already been adequately covered."

Joey flashed her a charming smile. "Well, I like all bases covered; not just the caveats." One eyebrow lifted. "Unless there's any reason why I shouldn't be readin' this?"

"None at all." Keeping an unflappable grin plastered to her face, Phoebe felt herself itching inside. Anxious to take the paperwork away, despite the suspicions she knew would be triggered. This house was one that she'd been struggling to unload for years. Now that she finally had a buyer who'd gone through with the deal, it wouldn't do to have him back down. "Go right ahead. There's nothing to hide. Nothing at all."

"What the hell is this," he shouted, pointing at one paragraph.

"What the hell is what," Phoebe coolly responded.

"This?! The 'Paranormal Clause'?!"

"That's merely a technicality."

"A technicality?! It says here that there's all sort of spooky crap in my new house!" He ran down the brief list that the clause provided. "A ghost in the living room...a sea serpent in the guest bath...a vampire in the basement...a werewolf in the shed out in the back yard..." Joey shoved the sheaf of papers away from him, as though afraid that it'd sprout fangs and start biting. "Why the hell didn't you tell me about any of this, Miss Buffay?!"

Phoebe did a fine job of not expressing a hint of unprofessional smugness as she replied: "For one thing, you never inquired as to any supernatural activity that might be connected with the residence. For another, reading the fine print was entirely your idea. As the clause is fully outlined there, I saw no reason why I should find myself obligated to bring the matter to your attention."

"Oh, yeah?" Joey pointed. "What about the case of Stambovsky v. Ackley back in 1991?"

She flinched. "Damn. I was really hoping you weren't smart enough to know about that."