![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stonepicnicking_okapi posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
vocab_drabblesTitle: Pernicious
Fandom: Miss Marple - Agatha Christie
Length: 500
Rating: Gen
Summary: Dolly Bantry comforts a troubled young woman
It wasn’t Dolly Bantry’s custom to intrude upon a stranger’s thoughts, certainly not at a flower show, but her feet were hurting (blast those new shoes!) and there wasn’t another place to sit but on the far bench where a young woman looked as if she were doing a perfect impression of a toad in the harrow.
“I’m sorry,” murmured Dolly, who wasn’t sorry at all. “But are you all right?” Ridiculous question when the answer was so patently obvious, but that was small talk.
The young woman hesitated briefly, but only briefly, before the dam burst.
“Oh, it’s just so, so, so horrible!”
Dolly was in possession of two handkerchiefs. She immediately surrendered one to the cause.
“You won’t believe me,” sobbed the young woman into Dolly’s square of cambric.
“Try me,” said Dolly dryly as she surreptitiously slipped out of her shoes. God, that felt so much better.
“I think the man I love murdered his wife!” cried the young woman.
“He might have,” admitted Dolly. First things first. “Did he say he murdered his wife?”
“No, no,” the young woman blew her nose, “but I suspect, and everyone in the village suspects. And I just don’t know! Oh, the doubt, it’s like a disease, like a cancer, so—”
“Pernicious?” suggested Dolly.
“Bless you,” replied the young woman politely.
Dear me, thought Dolly, but she said, “So you think, uh, he murdered his wife, this fellow, uh…”
“George.”
Of course, his name was George. Dolly gave a silent sigh, asking Divine Providence for patience and commending the next five minutes of her life to same. She sincerely hoped Someone Somewhere was noting this uncharacteristic act of random kindness is the credit side of Great Greengrocers’ Ledger in the Sky.
Dolly turned her full attention to her bench companion. “Yes, yes,” she insisted, fairly convincingly, but resisting the urge to pat a shoulder or a knee, “tell me about George and the murdered missus and what everyone is saying.”
The story unfolded, to be concluded by a wail,
“And so you see I just don’t know what to do! Did he have a hand in it or not? Such a bizarre set of circumstances.
“Yes, I see,” muttered Dolly. She was no longer looking at the young woman; she was, instead, looking down at her own stocking feet. “I really don’t know either.”
“Oh,” the young woman visibly deflated, “I was hoping that you might have some advice or insight or practical suggestions or…”
Dolly looked up. “Oh, no, no, not that, I know exactly what to do about your problem.”
“You do?!”
Dolly took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re coming with me to tea at my friend Jane’s and telling her what you told me. She will set the whole thing right as rain, I promise.” Dolly smiled, but her smile faded as her gaze dropped. “No, what I don’t know is how I’m going to get my poor swollen feet back into those blasted shoes!”
Title: Conundrum
Fandom: Jeeves & Wooster
Length: 300
Rating: Gen
Notes: crack
Summary: Bertie's trousers are dusty. What's he been doing in the cellar?
“Jeeves! I’m not hurt!” I cried.
I know Jeeves was cut to the quick because his eyebrow twitched for a whole eight seconds before he replied,
“I wish I would say the same for the state of your trousers, sir.”
I looked down and nodded.
“I know, there’s a good deal of dust down in the wine cellar, but trousers aside…”
Jeeves’ horror was something more felt than seen but it was there. Nevertheless, I persevered.
“Listen, Jeeves, I’m in a bit of situation. Not the kind about cats. I think drums enter into it.”
“A conundrum, sir?”
“Yes, that’s the baby! I’m in a conundrum.”
“Indeed, sir?”
“It is down in the cellar. Yes, yes, down in the cellar, I was looking for the Chateau d’Thinggummy 19-Whatever-Whaever that Aunt Dahlia wanted to have a table tonight with the toothsome ensemble Anatole has planned for us. It was a solo venture, but I was careful, mind you. I mean I’ve read my Poe as well as the next chappie. I mean to say, I was sober and on the alert for anyone who might want to trick me into being walled up.”
“Your concerns are alarming, sir. Pray continue.”
“Not half as alarming as what happened, Jeeves. I had a bit of a mishap, really, could’ve happened to anyone, probably, but well…”
“Yes?”
“The long and the short and the round of it is I’ve opened a portal to another dimension.”
“Indeed, sir?”
“The bad news is that it may be up to me to save the world, and by me, of course, I mean…”
“Us, sir?”
“Yes. The good news…”
“Yes?”
“…is that I found that pair of scissors you lost last week.”
Producing the pair of clippers did have the effect intended.
Jeeves almost smiled. “Well done, sir.”
Fandom: Miss Marple - Agatha Christie
Length: 500
Rating: Gen
Summary: Dolly Bantry comforts a troubled young woman
It wasn’t Dolly Bantry’s custom to intrude upon a stranger’s thoughts, certainly not at a flower show, but her feet were hurting (blast those new shoes!) and there wasn’t another place to sit but on the far bench where a young woman looked as if she were doing a perfect impression of a toad in the harrow.
“I’m sorry,” murmured Dolly, who wasn’t sorry at all. “But are you all right?” Ridiculous question when the answer was so patently obvious, but that was small talk.
The young woman hesitated briefly, but only briefly, before the dam burst.
“Oh, it’s just so, so, so horrible!”
Dolly was in possession of two handkerchiefs. She immediately surrendered one to the cause.
“You won’t believe me,” sobbed the young woman into Dolly’s square of cambric.
“Try me,” said Dolly dryly as she surreptitiously slipped out of her shoes. God, that felt so much better.
“I think the man I love murdered his wife!” cried the young woman.
“He might have,” admitted Dolly. First things first. “Did he say he murdered his wife?”
“No, no,” the young woman blew her nose, “but I suspect, and everyone in the village suspects. And I just don’t know! Oh, the doubt, it’s like a disease, like a cancer, so—”
“Pernicious?” suggested Dolly.
“Bless you,” replied the young woman politely.
Dear me, thought Dolly, but she said, “So you think, uh, he murdered his wife, this fellow, uh…”
“George.”
Of course, his name was George. Dolly gave a silent sigh, asking Divine Providence for patience and commending the next five minutes of her life to same. She sincerely hoped Someone Somewhere was noting this uncharacteristic act of random kindness is the credit side of Great Greengrocers’ Ledger in the Sky.
Dolly turned her full attention to her bench companion. “Yes, yes,” she insisted, fairly convincingly, but resisting the urge to pat a shoulder or a knee, “tell me about George and the murdered missus and what everyone is saying.”
The story unfolded, to be concluded by a wail,
“And so you see I just don’t know what to do! Did he have a hand in it or not? Such a bizarre set of circumstances.
“Yes, I see,” muttered Dolly. She was no longer looking at the young woman; she was, instead, looking down at her own stocking feet. “I really don’t know either.”
“Oh,” the young woman visibly deflated, “I was hoping that you might have some advice or insight or practical suggestions or…”
Dolly looked up. “Oh, no, no, not that, I know exactly what to do about your problem.”
“You do?!”
Dolly took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re coming with me to tea at my friend Jane’s and telling her what you told me. She will set the whole thing right as rain, I promise.” Dolly smiled, but her smile faded as her gaze dropped. “No, what I don’t know is how I’m going to get my poor swollen feet back into those blasted shoes!”
Title: Conundrum
Fandom: Jeeves & Wooster
Length: 300
Rating: Gen
Notes: crack
Summary: Bertie's trousers are dusty. What's he been doing in the cellar?
“Jeeves! I’m not hurt!” I cried.
I know Jeeves was cut to the quick because his eyebrow twitched for a whole eight seconds before he replied,
“I wish I would say the same for the state of your trousers, sir.”
I looked down and nodded.
“I know, there’s a good deal of dust down in the wine cellar, but trousers aside…”
Jeeves’ horror was something more felt than seen but it was there. Nevertheless, I persevered.
“Listen, Jeeves, I’m in a bit of situation. Not the kind about cats. I think drums enter into it.”
“A conundrum, sir?”
“Yes, that’s the baby! I’m in a conundrum.”
“Indeed, sir?”
“It is down in the cellar. Yes, yes, down in the cellar, I was looking for the Chateau d’Thinggummy 19-Whatever-Whaever that Aunt Dahlia wanted to have a table tonight with the toothsome ensemble Anatole has planned for us. It was a solo venture, but I was careful, mind you. I mean I’ve read my Poe as well as the next chappie. I mean to say, I was sober and on the alert for anyone who might want to trick me into being walled up.”
“Your concerns are alarming, sir. Pray continue.”
“Not half as alarming as what happened, Jeeves. I had a bit of a mishap, really, could’ve happened to anyone, probably, but well…”
“Yes?”
“The long and the short and the round of it is I’ve opened a portal to another dimension.”
“Indeed, sir?”
“The bad news is that it may be up to me to save the world, and by me, of course, I mean…”
“Us, sir?”
“Yes. The good news…”
“Yes?”
“…is that I found that pair of scissors you lost last week.”
Producing the pair of clippers did have the effect intended.
Jeeves almost smiled. “Well done, sir.”
