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Entry tags:
#132 Crepuscular - Quantum Leap 1989 - The Blessing of Contentment
Title: The Blessing of Contentment
Fandom: Quantum Leap
Author: Cat Moon
Rating: PG
Words: 928
Characters/Pairings: Sam, Beth (implied Sam/Al and background Beth/Carolyn)
Summary: After telling Beth to wait for Al, after deciding to give up the chance to go home and continue leaping through time alone, Sam confronts the consequences that he wasn't expecting but should have.
Notes: Takes place after the final episode of the series. And the Carolyn mentioned is Carolyn Plummer, Jim Ellison's ex-wife on The Sentinel. Yeah, I decided to ship them, since I'd previously started work on a fic for halfamoon where Carolyn is working for the Project and has a girlfriend. When this story came along it became obvious.
Sam sipped his beer, gazing out at the desert landscape. The crepuscular rays beaming down from the clouds lent an ethereal beauty to the twilight that was soothing despite his unrest.
Almost like touching God.
It was peaceful here at the bungalow, a place frozen in time, holding its breath until life began again. They were well-matched since that's precisely how Sam felt.
The gnawing compulsion to be at work was simmering just beneath the surface, but Verbena had used her authority to send him home to rest, and he had to admit these surroundings had a calming effect on him.
Home. What an ironic word. He'd been without one for so long, bouncing around through time with only Al as his anchor. Wanting so much to find his way back to family and friends. And then, when he'd had it in his grasp…
Turned out, there was something he wanted more.
The decision to change the past so that Al would have his true love back was easy, after all the years Al had sacrificed for him. It was the least Sam could do in atonement. He might have known better if he'd been in the right frame of mind to slow down and make rational decisions, should have known Al would never accept it, never stop looking for him, trying to get him home…
Then when Al finally found Sam but had no way to accomplish that goal, he'd instead discovered how to initiate a simo-leap and send Sam home, disappearing to leap through time himself instead.
Sam was so deep in thought that he didn't hear the approaching visitor until she was beside him, pulling her sweater tighter against the chill of the looming New Mexico evening.
"Verbena told me you left early," Beth said, leaning her arms on the stone wall of the patio they stood in front of.
"Did she tell you she ordered me to go?" he asked with grudging amusement.
"I'm glad you did. You're working yourself to death."
"The way Al used to?" he responded, more harshly than he'd intended.
"Doesn't make it any righter when you do it."
Sam silently cursed Verbena for being the best-damned psychiatrist he'd ever met, who knew him too well. It was way past time he had a conversation with Beth, and they all knew it.
"None of this has been fair to you, or the girls. I'm sorry."
"Lots of things aren't fair in this world, Sam."
"I didn't know he would do this," Sam continued doggedly. "I thought…" Getting the love of Al's life back for him would ensure a happy retirement spent with his family. The idea that Al would desert them… for Sam… He couldn't deal with the reality that hit him square in the face when he'd leaped home to find Al had traded places with him. "Damn him!" he growled.
Surprisingly, Beth chuckled at that. "You've been avoiding me," she observed. "You don't deserve to carry the guilt for someone else's decisions."
"No," Sam agreed, shaking his head. "Only my own."
"If you'd come to see me, you'd have known sooner that Al and I have been separated for five years now," she abruptly revealed.
Sam could only stare as further knowledge of what his choice had wrought washed over him.
"And for several before, we'd both been living our own lives. I knew the man I married, the hero who put duty and honor before everything else. I was devastated when I thought he'd died in Vietnam, but a part of me, deep down, always knew he'd leave me one day. Then he returned and needed me. I nursed him back to health and helped him deal with the PTSD. So, I stayed because I felt guilty about giving up on him, obligated. Then I got pregnant, and the years flew by."
"There must have been some good times," Sam pleaded, more for himself if he were honest.
To his relief, Beth nodded. "And the years you were leaping were a blessing, in a way. It allowed us to drift apart naturally."
"But… I…"
Beth rested a hand on his arm to still the words. "You believe in fairytales, Sam. Happily ever after and happy endings. And there's nothing wrong with that. I hope you get one yourself, you deserve it."
"What about you?"
Beth smiled. "Oh, I met someone a few years ago, she was hired as part of the security staff of the Project. Her name is Carolyn, and she makes me happy. It's not perfect, but I'm content."
"Is content enough?" Sam felt compelled to ask.
"It's a blessing."
"Will you accept my apology anyway?"
"You're going to find Al and bring him home," Beth told him firmly instead of answering. "I know it. And when you do… you two need to stop the sacrificing contests, sit down, and talk to each other honestly. I want that for you both."
Sam told himself he didn't know what she was hinting at, but he didn't ask. "Contentment?"
"I think you can do better than that. Maybe even a happily ever after." Beth gave him a kiss on the cheek as she turned to leave. "Welcome home, Sam."
Sam contemplated the concept of home as he stood alone, watching until all the sunlight leeched from the sky and darkness wrapped around him like a blanket. Considered the consequences of sacrificing the future for the past as he gazed at the million glittering stars above. One of them was Al.
Turns out Al was his home all along.
Fandom: Quantum Leap
Author: Cat Moon
Rating: PG
Words: 928
Characters/Pairings: Sam, Beth (implied Sam/Al and background Beth/Carolyn)
Summary: After telling Beth to wait for Al, after deciding to give up the chance to go home and continue leaping through time alone, Sam confronts the consequences that he wasn't expecting but should have.
Notes: Takes place after the final episode of the series. And the Carolyn mentioned is Carolyn Plummer, Jim Ellison's ex-wife on The Sentinel. Yeah, I decided to ship them, since I'd previously started work on a fic for halfamoon where Carolyn is working for the Project and has a girlfriend. When this story came along it became obvious.
Sam sipped his beer, gazing out at the desert landscape. The crepuscular rays beaming down from the clouds lent an ethereal beauty to the twilight that was soothing despite his unrest.
Almost like touching God.
It was peaceful here at the bungalow, a place frozen in time, holding its breath until life began again. They were well-matched since that's precisely how Sam felt.
The gnawing compulsion to be at work was simmering just beneath the surface, but Verbena had used her authority to send him home to rest, and he had to admit these surroundings had a calming effect on him.
Home. What an ironic word. He'd been without one for so long, bouncing around through time with only Al as his anchor. Wanting so much to find his way back to family and friends. And then, when he'd had it in his grasp…
Turned out, there was something he wanted more.
The decision to change the past so that Al would have his true love back was easy, after all the years Al had sacrificed for him. It was the least Sam could do in atonement. He might have known better if he'd been in the right frame of mind to slow down and make rational decisions, should have known Al would never accept it, never stop looking for him, trying to get him home…
Then when Al finally found Sam but had no way to accomplish that goal, he'd instead discovered how to initiate a simo-leap and send Sam home, disappearing to leap through time himself instead.
Sam was so deep in thought that he didn't hear the approaching visitor until she was beside him, pulling her sweater tighter against the chill of the looming New Mexico evening.
"Verbena told me you left early," Beth said, leaning her arms on the stone wall of the patio they stood in front of.
"Did she tell you she ordered me to go?" he asked with grudging amusement.
"I'm glad you did. You're working yourself to death."
"The way Al used to?" he responded, more harshly than he'd intended.
"Doesn't make it any righter when you do it."
Sam silently cursed Verbena for being the best-damned psychiatrist he'd ever met, who knew him too well. It was way past time he had a conversation with Beth, and they all knew it.
"None of this has been fair to you, or the girls. I'm sorry."
"Lots of things aren't fair in this world, Sam."
"I didn't know he would do this," Sam continued doggedly. "I thought…" Getting the love of Al's life back for him would ensure a happy retirement spent with his family. The idea that Al would desert them… for Sam… He couldn't deal with the reality that hit him square in the face when he'd leaped home to find Al had traded places with him. "Damn him!" he growled.
Surprisingly, Beth chuckled at that. "You've been avoiding me," she observed. "You don't deserve to carry the guilt for someone else's decisions."
"No," Sam agreed, shaking his head. "Only my own."
"If you'd come to see me, you'd have known sooner that Al and I have been separated for five years now," she abruptly revealed.
Sam could only stare as further knowledge of what his choice had wrought washed over him.
"And for several before, we'd both been living our own lives. I knew the man I married, the hero who put duty and honor before everything else. I was devastated when I thought he'd died in Vietnam, but a part of me, deep down, always knew he'd leave me one day. Then he returned and needed me. I nursed him back to health and helped him deal with the PTSD. So, I stayed because I felt guilty about giving up on him, obligated. Then I got pregnant, and the years flew by."
"There must have been some good times," Sam pleaded, more for himself if he were honest.
To his relief, Beth nodded. "And the years you were leaping were a blessing, in a way. It allowed us to drift apart naturally."
"But… I…"
Beth rested a hand on his arm to still the words. "You believe in fairytales, Sam. Happily ever after and happy endings. And there's nothing wrong with that. I hope you get one yourself, you deserve it."
"What about you?"
Beth smiled. "Oh, I met someone a few years ago, she was hired as part of the security staff of the Project. Her name is Carolyn, and she makes me happy. It's not perfect, but I'm content."
"Is content enough?" Sam felt compelled to ask.
"It's a blessing."
"Will you accept my apology anyway?"
"You're going to find Al and bring him home," Beth told him firmly instead of answering. "I know it. And when you do… you two need to stop the sacrificing contests, sit down, and talk to each other honestly. I want that for you both."
Sam told himself he didn't know what she was hinting at, but he didn't ask. "Contentment?"
"I think you can do better than that. Maybe even a happily ever after." Beth gave him a kiss on the cheek as she turned to leave. "Welcome home, Sam."
Sam contemplated the concept of home as he stood alone, watching until all the sunlight leeched from the sky and darkness wrapped around him like a blanket. Considered the consequences of sacrificing the future for the past as he gazed at the million glittering stars above. One of them was Al.
Turns out Al was his home all along.