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vocab_drabbles2024-03-26 03:09 am
mxcatmoon) wrote in vocab_drabbles2024-03-26 03:09 am
#94/95/98 - Good Omens - The Alpha Centauri Refugee Camp
Written for prompts #94 Cynosure, #95 Umbrage, #98 Disparate
Title: The Alpha Centauri Refugee Camp
Fandom: Good Omens
Author: Cat Moon
Rating: G (or S for silly)
Words: 466
Characters/Pairings: Crowley, Beelzebub, Gabriel, Aziracrow, Beelzebub/Gabriel
Summary: Happily ever after wasn't supposed to be like this. So ineffable bureaucracy is forced out of retirement in order to regain their paradise. Do you have selfishness saving the day on your Bingo card?
Notes: Not to be taken seriously. Just some post Season 2, silly humor.
Crowley belched loudly and chugged half his bottle of wine, swaying drunkenly as he kicked a rock and watched it careen through space until it landed in a river of lava with a splash.
"He said, 'You're the bad guys,' the ex-demon slurred mournfully (and not for the first time). You're. Like I was one of them, a common demon. Insulting. I take umbrage at that," he spat, jumping up from his seat in exaggerated outrage. "Umbrage, I tell you!"
Beelzebub sighed, aggrieved. It had been a peaceful retirement. Just the two of them, away from heaven, hell, and all their annoying lackeys. Until Crowley had shown up with a case of wine and started drinking.
"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Gabriel said pleasantly backhandedly. "Much."
Bee glared at zir SO. "Don't encourage him! I hear Polaris is nice this time of year," ze suggested hopefully. If this was Crowley's way of getting petty revenge on them for running away together and taking him up on his offer of Alpha Centauri, ze could respect that – as annoying as it was. If he was genuinely heartbroken and lonely… that was just pathetic.
"Aziraphale was my north star," Crowley murmured. "My cynosure."
"Or Uranus," Gabriel tossed out his double entendre with a snicker.
Crowley ignored them. "After all this time, I thought… But I guess I was wrong, and we were just too dis…disss…"
"Disgusting?" Beelzebub prompted.
Crowley shook his head. "Dissssp…"
"Despicable?" Gabriel guessed.
"Disssparate," the sad drunk finally managed. "Too different. Opposite sides and all that," he added, waving a hand around. He finished off his current bottle of wine and flung it.
The bottle landed on the phonograph that had been playing 'Everyday' by Buddy Holly on constant repeat, skittering across the record with a sickening scratch. Finally, the music was silent.
"Score!" Crowley crowed, not too drunk to recognize his relief that the irritating song was no more.
"That's it!" Beelzebub declared, knowing they couldn't bear much more of this. Ze held out a hand to Gabriel in preparation for the unpleasant but necessary task ahead. Needs must. "This eternity isn't big enough for the three of us."
Crowley squinted at them inebriatedly. "Hey, the party just got started! Where are you two going?"
"First, we're going to thwart the blasted Second Coming," Beelzebub announced.
"And then we're going to drag your angel back to Earth by the scruff of his neck," Gabriel finished.
After that, Gabe and Beez would probably lock Aziraphale and Crowley in a room together until they got whatever they needed out of their systems and made up, but they would keep that part of the plan to themselves for now.
If all went well, once the two insufferable beings were reunited, Ineffable Bureaucracy would have their peace back again.
The end
Title: The Alpha Centauri Refugee Camp
Fandom: Good Omens
Author: Cat Moon
Rating: G (or S for silly)
Words: 466
Characters/Pairings: Crowley, Beelzebub, Gabriel, Aziracrow, Beelzebub/Gabriel
Summary: Happily ever after wasn't supposed to be like this. So ineffable bureaucracy is forced out of retirement in order to regain their paradise. Do you have selfishness saving the day on your Bingo card?
Notes: Not to be taken seriously. Just some post Season 2, silly humor.
Crowley belched loudly and chugged half his bottle of wine, swaying drunkenly as he kicked a rock and watched it careen through space until it landed in a river of lava with a splash.
"He said, 'You're the bad guys,' the ex-demon slurred mournfully (and not for the first time). You're. Like I was one of them, a common demon. Insulting. I take umbrage at that," he spat, jumping up from his seat in exaggerated outrage. "Umbrage, I tell you!"
Beelzebub sighed, aggrieved. It had been a peaceful retirement. Just the two of them, away from heaven, hell, and all their annoying lackeys. Until Crowley had shown up with a case of wine and started drinking.
"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Gabriel said pleasantly backhandedly. "Much."
Bee glared at zir SO. "Don't encourage him! I hear Polaris is nice this time of year," ze suggested hopefully. If this was Crowley's way of getting petty revenge on them for running away together and taking him up on his offer of Alpha Centauri, ze could respect that – as annoying as it was. If he was genuinely heartbroken and lonely… that was just pathetic.
"Aziraphale was my north star," Crowley murmured. "My cynosure."
"Or Uranus," Gabriel tossed out his double entendre with a snicker.
Crowley ignored them. "After all this time, I thought… But I guess I was wrong, and we were just too dis…disss…"
"Disgusting?" Beelzebub prompted.
Crowley shook his head. "Dissssp…"
"Despicable?" Gabriel guessed.
"Disssparate," the sad drunk finally managed. "Too different. Opposite sides and all that," he added, waving a hand around. He finished off his current bottle of wine and flung it.
The bottle landed on the phonograph that had been playing 'Everyday' by Buddy Holly on constant repeat, skittering across the record with a sickening scratch. Finally, the music was silent.
"Score!" Crowley crowed, not too drunk to recognize his relief that the irritating song was no more.
"That's it!" Beelzebub declared, knowing they couldn't bear much more of this. Ze held out a hand to Gabriel in preparation for the unpleasant but necessary task ahead. Needs must. "This eternity isn't big enough for the three of us."
Crowley squinted at them inebriatedly. "Hey, the party just got started! Where are you two going?"
"First, we're going to thwart the blasted Second Coming," Beelzebub announced.
"And then we're going to drag your angel back to Earth by the scruff of his neck," Gabriel finished.
After that, Gabe and Beez would probably lock Aziraphale and Crowley in a room together until they got whatever they needed out of their systems and made up, but they would keep that part of the plan to themselves for now.
If all went well, once the two insufferable beings were reunited, Ineffable Bureaucracy would have their peace back again.
The end